Mind-dating (Part Trois)
I mentioned in a previous post that I am glad to have dated certain people at a particular point in my life.
Before moving into my current abode, where I have resided for the past several years, I rented rooms from Princeton professors subletting space in their homes. I was fortunate to have had good landlords, intelligent ones, one of whom (a psych professor) was particularly insightful as to emotional status of his young twenty-something tenants.
That said, both of my landlords had been divorced, as well as many of my Princeton professors. It made me wonder, “Was it the pressure of working in academia that precipitated these divorces or the driven nature and tendencies of those who pursued academia?”
It took awhile for me to figure out that some academics are high-functioning alcoholics — seemingly perfect on paper and in superficial social occasions, but in the meantime, in the off-hours or in secret, binge drinkers and alcohol abusers.
Medical school can be a time when substance abuse alleviates some of the pressure and stress of the training. Looking back, I realize that a medical student that I had been seeing exhibited traits of alcohol dependency. He also had me confused as hell, wavering back and forth between positive and negative feedback cues in a form of dismissive-avoidant attachment.
I should have taken a psych course in high school to learn about these attachment trends in relationships — one of my college friends used it in couples therapy — it would have saved me a lot of heartbreak.